The best quote I’ve heard on sexuality (for teens to adults) is “Enjoy all your sexual feelings, but choose carefully how to express them.” (Heard on “Spirit Centered Relationships, by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks on HayHouseRadio.com)
I have a lot of trouble with this concept. I haven’t learned boundries on sexual feelings. When I became a teen and started having sexual feelings, I had no one to talk with about them. My mother was abused in her own right and had no idea what to say to me. I had no idea what to ask her. So, I was alone.
There were no boys around who had interest in me, that I could try out sexual things with. I grew up in a small town. I’m glad for this, if there had been I would have been sexually active in my early teens, quite possibly. But, instead I was sexually inhibited for a long time, not wanting to try anything. Finally, out of curiosity and desire to know what sex was, not love, I had sex with a boy who hurt me emotionally, when I was 19.
I don’t blame him. We were both scared of our feelings for each other. We were too young to deal with it all. Anyway, a few months later I met my current partner and having no boundries regarding sex, I did not practice safe sex and I got pregnant right away.
I’ve went through times when I pulled away from sex. I’ve pursued him aggresively. I’ve had panic attacks during sex. I still can’t deal with cunnilingus. I have problems with my sexual feelings for people outside my relationship. I fear these feelings, because I fear I will act on them. It hasn’t been offered to me yet.
Boundries on sexual expression is a new idea to me. I need to learn to set them with myself first, and then with my partner and then in the outside world in general. It’s a word in progress.