Liberation

Day two of feeling rather liberated about life.

I write porn. I’d like to say I write erotica or something, but that sounds artsy and I’m anything but. I write porn. I write my fantasies to get myself off, and sometimes I share them with other people.

Yesterday I didn’t feel like working on my usual projects. (I get too bored just having one project so I must have many at once) nor did I feel like crocheting nor reading. So I pulled up a project I started sometime ago.

And it was hot. There wasn’t really any sex in it, just implied themes of submission. And the young female main character is forced to lick the older male main character’s feet. I was gone.

In the past I would have ignored it. I would have hidden from myself that I enjoyed the fantasy so much. I would deny that a fantasy could turn me on that much. I might even feel a bit ashamed and dirty for enjoying it.

But I don’t. I feel happy that I can turn myself on like that. (It’s not to say no one else does). I feel empowered by it. I feel great about my sexuality for once. I don’t know long it will last, but it’s there for now and I have lots of words of encouragment from various sources on the topic.

I have at least one friend who has told me my fantasies are my fantasies and they should turn me on and not make me feel the least bit ashamed of it.

Barbara Carrellas is frequently on “I Can Do It Hour” of HayHouse radio. Barbara wrote “Urban Tantra” as well as many others. I was listening to her on the show and she was talking about a survivor who was ashamed of her fantasies and Barbara told the woman that she should feel empowered that her own imagination worked so well for her. So, I took that to heart.

The book that started this blog off. And Staci Haines for writing it. “The Survivor’s Guide to Sex”

And, finally Sex is Fun has done a lot for me. Their last show on Sexual Triggers (about what turns you on), which I listened to last night was at the right moment for me and it made me consider even deeper what works for me.

And my partner. and the hot hot sex I get to have with this person.

Future Me. Ever wanted to say something to your future self but couldn’t keep track of those sealed envelopes? Write yourself a letter on future me, put in your email address, set the date and it will send it to you on that date. COOL!

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