Not good enough

I am feeling very “Not Good Enough”. It’s a problem. I feel like that often. But, since I like to wallow and accept here’s the list.

I am not a good enough …

… mother. I don’t like playing all those pretend things on the floor. I let her play video games and watch TV too much. I don’t always make her brush her teeth.

… partner. I’m a terrible housewife. I don’t keep the house superclean. I’m a controlling bitch. I’m hate things that I know I do. I hate when he watches porn.  I put out the case for an open relationship too often (yet, I’m afraid he’ll cheat on me). I don’t have as high a sex drive and I hate anal. I don’t work full time. I don’t want to work full-time. I don’t trust anyone to be responsible for my child. See, I was supposed to work part-time and go to school and then switch, but now, I’m nearly done school and he doesn’t have to go to school for what he wants. He can get it with some training. But I need a full-time job to pay for the training.

… writer. I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been working on my novel. I’m trying too hard on it again and it’s getting stitled and terrible and not fun to write at all.

… blogger. I don’t post with any regularity. I have plans to, but best laid plans and all that. ANd I don’t keep on topic.

… daughter. This partly goes in the mother list, becuase I am “a terrible person” for having an only child.

The good news is I have a job interview for a full-time job(as an educational assistant). I’ve offered to go full-time at the job I’m at now (which is not the career path I studied for). I want to adopt another child. I want to write, I just need an accountability partner.

but right now … I’m taking a positive pause.

And then I’m going to try to deal with this fucking annoying yeast infection that’s threatening to take over my life.

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2 Comments

Filed under emotions, life

2 responses to “Not good enough

  1. I love you already. It seems you just crawled out of my ear after living in my brain. It passes, no?

  2. asrais

    That’s one of my mottos: This too shall pass. The not good enough feeling. I’m not changing who I am and what I do just to please these people (Tho I have to some degree at present).

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