Abuse, porn, feminism.

I wrote a great post in my head while I showered earlier today. However that was a few hours ago and I’ve done mindless things since then and some mindful ones so I’ll have to write it again.

We’ll start at the start. I’ve been abused in my life. I’m fairly certain I was abused as a child (before age 5) and I have been abused as an adult. It’s something I’ve never wrote about, I really didn’t realize that I was abused until recently. It happened when I was 18. I won’t get into it right now.

I don’t have a long history with porn. I don’t like porn. There’s only so much Tab A into Slot B I can handle. It’s too explicit for me. Other people kissing on screen freaks me out, sex so much more so. I feel like this creepy voyeur. And the fake moaning. It just sounds so … fake. I like to hear my lover moaning and telling me how good it is, but these people on the TV, so lame.

And lastly feminism. I’m hestitant to call myself a feminist. I don’t like labels, I feel it boxes you in. If I tell 5, 10, 100 people that I’m a feminist, they will all have a different view of what I think. Plust, my own views so …

I believe in equality for all people, across the board. I believe in the ideal of feminism, because I do believe in the patriarachal society and that women are opressed by it.

So, what’s this got to do with anything?

I am not anti-porn. I cannot be anti-porn. I admit that the majority of porn out there caters to what most men desire.

Here’s the arguments against porn (and my counters).

Porn is degrading to women.

That’s a bit of a subjective statement. Watching porn (even bad porn) doesn’t make me feel like less of a good person. It doesn’t turn me on either however.

Some women don’t like watching porn and it makes them uncomfortable. If you don’t like it don’t watch it. You might be able to find something you do like. There are more and more companies who are catching on and making porn geared towards women. I know women who like “mainstream” porn. Everyone likes different things.

Porn causes men to rape and abuse.

Correlation does not equal causation. Many men consume pornography and don’t feel the urge to rape.

Porn does skew views after a while. Young people often watch it and think this is what sex is like. Mostly it shows beautiful young people with larger than usual “sexual” organs going at it for what seems like hours, and they always come in unison. Much of porn promotes objectification.

But here, I say much, not all. There is porn that does not. There are a few pornographers who produce porn of real life couples who love each other and have great sex.

Porn is not raping women. Misogynist porn is the result of a society that sees women as objects, use able, disposable. Where women who are asking to be raped, abused, and harassed. Men who rape women are at fault for rape. I believe in personal accountability. Most people watch porn without raping. Most people watch violent movies without killing. Most people do role playing (sexual or non) and realize that it’s just … a fatasy, just make believe.

I fantasize about some pretty dark stuff. Incest, rape, objectification. Stuff that would make me sick if it really happened. I used to feel guilty about it. But, I’ve come to realize it’s NOT real, and my fantasizing about it isn’t hurting anyone. If I somehow acted on these fantasies in any non-consensual setting, that would be wrong. (Role playing, again, whole different story).

What about the women in porn?

All right, there are some women out there who are being forced into making porn. But, that’s bad and wrong. Most women have chosen to work in the adult film industry and that’s a legitimate choice. Again, personal accountability for others if they are forcing women into preforming.

Porn promotes violence against women.

Lots of women are into bondage, S&M. Some women like boxing and wrestling. I haven’t seen a lot of porn regarding violent acts, maybe I just haven’t seen enough.

There are a lot of consent issues in there. But I can’t go and police everyone individually. Watch porn that you enjoy and if you don’t enjoy porn, read some porn that you enjoy. If you can’t find any to read, write some of your own.

More reading on this in a post at Feminism 101.

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5 Comments

Filed under culture, Feminism, life, link, masturbation, sex positive

5 responses to “Abuse, porn, feminism.

  1. I think the problem with porn is the same as the problem with any fantasy world … it runs the risk of becoming a substitute for real life. Is that inherently a problem with pornography itself? Perhaps not, but personally I have issues with the interpersonal ethics of an industry that encourages people to dissociate from reality … probably partly because I know that for adults, dissociation usually isn’t a very good thing. As a defense mechanism, it’s a miracle. As a way of life, it can be very destructive.

    If I had my way, I’d like to see pornography and romance novels both drop off the face of the earth. Both are highly damaging, and for similar reasons … they create a seductive alternate reality that tends to lead people away from appreciating the reality they have. Not always, of course, but … I’ve seen it often enough to be troubled by it.

  2. thinger

    if only you looked outside of the female-centric paradigm for a second you would see porn raises issues for men especially, as well as society in general. i have to agree with you on this point, the propositions above are false… but they are BS propositions in the first place.

  3. asrais

    @thinger

    There may be some issues that watching porn raises for men. I cannot comment on them with any credibility. Those issues are not MY issues.

    So the above are BS propositions. What are the real issues?

  4. Pingback: The trouble with porn studies « Writing Life

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