I like to post on the controversial topics. But given this is my blog about my growth it seems that these topics are important to put words too.

I think I failed religious studies in University. I was depressed. I didn’t pay attention in class or do the readings. It was just memorization of religious facts and regurgitation of them. I was already light years ahead of that type of study when it came to religion.

I was about 16 or 17 when Practical Magic came out. And after my friends and I saw it in the theatre, one of my best friends and I started studying Wicca/The Craft/Witchcraft. I was hooked. I read all of Silver RavenWolf‘s books and when the Internets (finally came) I joined groups and printed off scads of information. Like colour associations and spells and lists of pantheons. I did rituals on the full and new moon and during the Sabbats, if it was possible.

I never really felt a great connection to a Higher Power. But, it was something.

I once wrote (loosely quoted since the original quote was lost in the Opendiary days), “God doesn’t care what practice you do to worship It. It only matters that you believe in something.”

My partner is an atheist as far as I know and I fell out of the habit of practicing. As well, with a small child and hectic work schedule I hadn’t the time. I describe myself at times as a lapsed Pagan.

I’ve been hearing lots of “Atheist” ideals. And believing in a myth, that this myth is real etc.

I see the point. I have never believed in an actual Goddesses and Gods who lived a million moons ago who are sitting somewhere watching the world and shaking their head. Or

It’s more of a expression of energy. A label of energy. As a person with breasts and a vagina, I am considered female. In current societal standards,  it’s okay for me to wear dresses or pants. Wearing pants doesn’t make me any less female.  I choose to express myself through writing, fiction and non-fcition, and in crafting items from yarn with a crochet hook or sewing pieces of cloth together to make some larger. I express my love for my family by cleaning the house and making them nutricious meals.

I see religion in the same way.

I believe in Energy, or as Julia Cameron describes GOD “Good Orderly Direction”. Call it Flow, The Matrix. There are lots of “New Age” terms out there. I hate the term “New Age” so I’m tossing that one out. It’s a judgment, a label.

I believe that if I “call” upon a certain Goddess, if I point my thoughts in a certain direction I can influence the energy for my own means. This is most recently called “The Law of Attraction.” I recognized right away that it’s what Pagans have been doing all along. Building up energy and directing it to gain what we wish. And if are wishing for bad things, you will get bad things back, if you are wishing good things, good things will happen.

It’s what attracted me to Wicca in the first place. In Christianity, the religion I sorta grew up with, things just happened and you hoped God would see that you were GOOD ENOUGH and give you what you wanted. In Wicca, I could control and influence what was happening to me.

So, as someone with a Faith I don’t believe that myths really occurred. I don’t believe that there some entity lording over us, waiting to intervene. It’s energy and energy is real and is directable. So I guess in a way I am an atheist, as well as a believer.

I also believe in the ability to make up my own words.

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