Dropping labels

I stopped reading feminist blogs sometime ago. I didn’t read many, but I always felt preached too and that they took themselves too seriously. Laughing at anything “anti-woman” was seen as something to hide.

I once stumbled upon The Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy, which was a total YAY. It then lead me to Basante Already. Who then lead me to stupid moron thoughts like this

I support pregnancy avoidance whole heartedly, rad fem that I am. I think people who choose breeding should pay for the schools and social costs; not get tax breaks, not shove the costs of their choices on those who do not breed. Especially those who willingly breed defective children to suffer for the parents choice their whole life.

And then I ran around and found this post about how mothers and blorts (women who are childless) should unite and fight patriarchy. And this Twisty came up with the word Blort becuase there is no antonym for “mother”.

This leads to the view that mothers are viewed as MOTHERS first and only. Forget womanhood, forget being a HUMAN BEING, I am a MOTHER. And if you have no children, I could not possibly have anything in common with you.

I’m no longer labelling myself a feminist. I no longer want to justify my having a child. I no longer want to justify having a primary relationship with a male partner, with whom I share a house. We may or may not live our lives wholly equal. I don’t believe total equality is possible.

I believe in equality for BOTH sexes, all genders, all people.

We need them to confirm the notion that the thankless, unpaid drudgery of nuclear motherhood is a product of the astonishing degree to which everyone hates women. We need them to affirm that the nuclear family system doesn’t work. We need them to cop to the fact that nuclear mothers are in an untenable position, often stuck between poverty and either some crap marriage or some crap job or, holy shit, both. We need them to affirm that, as an oppressed class, nothing they do is without political significance. And we especially need them — this one, ho boy, is the biggie — to quit defending nuclear motherhood, because when they defend nuclear motherhood, they are defending the primary method by which patriarchy replicates itself.

There is nothing wrong with my nuclear family. Two parents, one child. I don’t feel like cleaning my house is drudgery. I do most of it. I work outside the home, not quite full time. My house is pretty freaking messy most of the time, not dirty just messy. But cleaning it isn’t fucking drudgery. I clean it because I LIKE to live in a clean house. The same reason I fucking cook, because I like to eat decent food and I will not pay someone else to make it. I get home before my partner, so naturally I cook during the week. (We’ve come up with a new plan so he’ll cook on the weekends).

I will agree that some (many I don’t know this is like the porn debate) women are forced by a man to do something they don’t want to do. I know some woman are dependent on the father of their children for everything, and that’s why I believe in equality (see comment below) for woman. Some sort of society where mothers are compensated for their work at home, of course “childless women” don’t want that because they’d be paying for someone else’s kid.

That’s what I think feminism should fight for. But, I’m no longer a feminist.

The only thing I’ve come out of it is this comment from Octaglore

I responded over there as well, that I believe the use of motherhood and marriage are red herrings. The underlying problem, I believe, at least wrt gender (and of course there are many other problems) is discrepancy in economic power between men and women. Were that to exist, parenthood and marriage would not exacerbate female dependency.

I want all people to have the choice to make whatever choice works for them. So long as they know the alternatives that they could choose.

I am staying away from feminist blogs that make me feel like I need to justify any of my choices regarding my life.

I think childless feminists miss the point that having a child means you have to sacrifice something. Give up working, work seperate shifts from your partner and share childcare, pay someone else (usually too little money) to watch the little sweethearts.

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