Love and Marriage

Love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage?

Ah, I was never a fan of that show anyway.

I’ve been reading lots of stuff on marriage on those “self-help/self-motivation” blogs I read lately. Well, maybe not lots. Some. I can’t find all the links because I guess I deleted them from my feed reader. Anyway, most of it was generated from Steve Pavlina’s  admission he was going poly to save his marriage. (well, more or less).

No criticism of the move on his or anyone elses choice here. And no criticism if people choose to stay monogamous.

The point is in the choice isn’t it?

If you just fall into monogamy because that’s the default in our society, that’s not choice. But then again, who has had polyamoury/open relationship/non-monogamy put before them as a normal, viable option? Not many of us.

So, I still think it’s the ideal. But I’m happily monogamous right now. I’ve told my partner if he wants to go outside the relationship, he only needs to ask. Because, otherwise it leads to cheating and betrayal.

Anyway, this wasn’t really what I’d planned to write about.

I had a flashback the other morning. Not an abuse one. It was about my parent’s breakup. My dad didn’t see it coming somehow, and he was devastated. He tried to get my mom back by making these picture frames for her in glass windows of all the good things they’d shared.

So he gave her one and she told him she was dating someone else, a guy who had befriended him at the beginning of the break up.

I remember pulling up to the house or coming out or something. And he kicked the glass and the pictures out and was crying saying “This is what you’ve left of my life.”

It still brings tears to my eyes and hurt in my heart.

I think it’s why I was afraid to leave my partner in the early days when things weren’t going so well. That I was afraid of causing that level of pain in someone. Well, not cuasing, but being party to that kind of hurt.

I’m glad I didn’t give up on those early days.  We are just past 7 years together and I feel like we are finally hitting the good stuff.  The year was that lust stuff.  Then we had the baby and I went through depression and flashbacks and we moved out here. We had money difficulties and lots of things.  Now those are being sorted out, somewhat. We’ve come to some unspoken and some spoken agreements about how we work together.

I’m content. There are things I would change so I could be happier, but that wouldn’t make him happy. Where’s the challenge in a perfect life anyway? That’s not happiness, that’s … I dunno. Annoying.

I found the perfect place last weekend to hold the wedding. At least to take the wedding pictures. They put a metal gazebo and some archways at a local park that has a pond around it. I’m excited. Except that my in-laws aren’t coming this year due to money problems (my father in law is probably going to be losing his job, he has 3 years left before his retirement and full pension). That really sucks.  So it’s just my parents and their respective partners, which could be interesting.

But hey, ho here we go.  A new adventure? Maybe. Taking the next logical step. I finally feel like I”m ready for the kind of permanence marriage suggests. I probably won’t explain it to my partner, why I waited this long, but I’m glad I did.

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