Unnecessary pressure

I realize that yesterday’s post was anti-slow blogging and anti-simple life.

I keep getting caught up in making money from writing. I’m lucky. I have a job I enjoy. I don’t NEED to make a living from writing. It is my hobby. Only a hobby. If I make money from it- cool. I’d love to be able to do that.

But when I write something and say “I like it” to my family and read blogs about writing and participate in twitter and the like, I feel pressured. I feel pressure to write “better” and better. Pressure to participate in Twitter and blog everyday and be OUT THERE.

I really don’t want to be out there. I want to be in here. I find that when I let myself be pressured, I stop having fun. I like having fun with my writing. That’s the whole point.

This is part of the reason I don’t want to submit my writing to a publisher. Not only because I worry it’s not “good enough”. A publisher will give me an editor who will turn My Book into what they believe a Good Book should be. There’s some pretty terrible writing out there that gets published every year, so I’m really doubting some editor’s abilities. Plus WHO is this person far from me who should tell me how I should write?

I was participating in this online critique group for erotica. And, I felt I wasn’t measuring up to standard that I saw there. Their standards.

And suddenly it hit me.

It’s not hot or fun if I’m trying to make it hot or fun for someone else. I write what I think is hot. Or funny. Or romantic. Or just plain fun to write.

I read once that a writer should follow certain rules of writing. If those rules make sense to the writer. That’s the point of being a writer, because you get to make up the rules. You can make up a WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE if you want. You can make up a language, you can make up characters who can fly or run really fast or shape shift or who have to drink blood to survive. That’s the joy of being a writer. Plenty of writer’s break the rules.

So fuck what people think of my writing. Fuck that people think I’m “saleable” or not. If you think my writing is hot, read it. If you think it’s funny or good or anything, read it. If you don’t there are hundreds, thousands of  people who are trying to be writer’s and one of them might write something you are interested in.

I may never make a lot of money from writing. But I am going to have a damn good time writing what I want. And really, that makes my life richer which is more important than all the money in the world.

My day job keeps my bills paid and I like my job as well.

I’m going to go through my blog roll and Twitter feed and delete anyone who is trying to sell me a bill of goods on being better, more productive or any other advice on how to live my life. I’ve never done well with listening to any authority who claims to know me better than I know myselves.

Writing is my meditation and I refuse to let anyone dictate my life to me.

I hope however someday I’ll be able to type BECAUSE instead of becuase.

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