The trouble with porn studies

Ah, I ran across another porn is bad article on The Good Men Project.

In case you missed my last rantings you can find them here and here.

This one has studies. Rat studies.

Con­sider what hap­pens when you drop a male rat into a cage with a recep­tive female rat. First, there’s a sex­ual frenzy. Half a dozen cop­u­la­tions later, the fire­works fiz­zle. Even if she wants more, he’s not inter­ested. His brain chem­istry whis­pers, “Roll over and snore.” How­ever, if a new female shows up, his exhaus­tion will mirac­u­lously fade long enough for him to gal­lantly attempt his fer­til­iza­tion duties. You can repeat this process with fresh females until the male nearly dies of exhaustion.

My first thought was, god, how do men walk down the street everyday and not jump on every woman they see that’s gorgeous?

Oh right, we expect human men to control themselves. Same with porn.

Which brings me to my first point, just because a group of men who use porn end up with marriage/sexual issues, does not mean ALL men who watch porn will. Or, if John Mayer would rather jerk-off to a picture it does not mean my husband will.

In a Play­boy inter­view last year, musi­cian John Mayer admit­ted he’d rather jerk off to images than have sex. He explained,

actually if you read the quote Mayer didn’t say that at all, what he said was,

Inter­net pornog­ra­phy has absolutely changed my generation’s expec­ta­tions. How could you be con­stantly syn­the­siz­ing an orgasm [with a per­son] based on dozens of shots? You’re look­ing for the one … out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you fin­ish to, and you still don’t fin­ish. Twenty sec­onds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and con­tinue your shot hunt and con­tinue to make your­self late for work. How does that not affect the psy­chol­ogy of hav­ing a rela­tion­ship with some­body? It’s got to.

Okay, I’m not disagreeing that porn use CAN be a problem. It can be harmful if you get to the point of compulsion. But, reasonable people don’t. Of course, we could argue about the lack of reasonable people RE: food addiction.

Or really, it’s people refuse to use their self-control. i like chip and sugar. I don’t like walking in the winter. I know it’s not healthy for me to weight 200 lbs, so I don’t buy the chips and I walk to school. I keep my weight healthy.

Do I like it? Not always, I’d rather have the chips right now. But, I don’t think I”d be happy 75 lbs overweight either, so I CONTROL myself.

Just like, right now i’d like to masturbate. But I’m not alone, so I control myself.

Maybe these guys with porn problems actually are married to frigid women. Just kidding.

Accord­ing to a 2007 study, mere expo­sure to images of sexy females causes a man to devalue his real-life part­ner. He rates her lower not only on attrac­tive­ness, but also on warmth and intel­li­gence. Also, after pornog­ra­phy con­sump­tion, sub­jects in a 2006 study reported less sat­is­fac­tion with their inti­mate partner—including the partner’s affec­tion, appear­ance, sex­ual curios­ity, and per­for­mance. More­over, they assigned increased impor­tance to sex with­out emo­tional involvement.

Again how to men live in the real world with crap like this going on in their brains?

Oh yeah, they don’t. What a load of crap. (men if you want to not get in trouble for being an asshole- you can cite the study).

Just because I think GSP is sexy does not mean I want my husband any less.

Of course, if you stand me next to Katy Perry, she’s going to get all the votes for being better looking.

And, of course, he probably sees a few good-looking women when he’s at work. (some ugly ones too), but he makes the choice to come home and have pretty great sex with me.

And in three days when he’s in the mood and I’m completely wiped from having a screaming baby crawl up my leg all day, he will turn on a porno and touch himself. But, two days later I’ll have caught up on sleep and we’ll be like rabbits.

Porn is the only addiction in which we blame the object of addiction. We don’t blame alcohol for forcing alcoholics. We expect people to be able to have the occasional drink without ruining their marriages. We don’t blame malls for people’s overspending.

And my last point, is people it’s FANTASY. I don’t read romance books and expect my husband to start being a billionaire with a perfect body and a ranch, nor do I feel any less connected because he`s not a CEO or cowboy or Navy SEAL. Our being together is a choice we make everyday. It`s not always an easy choice, but if he wants to watch some people going at it, I`ll be okay with it. (I wasn`t always I used to buy into the myth that he should only ever want me).

Again, people TRY to control yourselves.

But remember, you don’t need porn to ogle women.

Since I stopped mas­tur­bat­ing to porn a cou­ple of weeks ago, things are chang­ing. When I see a woman with long hair walk by in a nice skirt or dress, I get that phys­i­cal rush of energy. Used to be I needed a stronger porno­graphic fan­tasy from the Inter­net to get any type of arousal.

 

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2 Comments

Filed under anger, emotions, life, masturbation, mood, My Sexual Muses, news, personal, questions, quote, rants, sex, sex negative, sex positive

2 responses to “The trouble with porn studies

  1. Ruth

    I don’t know who you are and I can definitely tell you I don’t want to either. What kind of a wife would sit back and say, “Sure, babe, get all hot and bothered over some woman with no self respect that she has to expose herself in a magazine for all the world to see then come and SETTLE for me.” You really should have your head examined more than him. Whether you believe it or not, sin is sin. No, face to face….he probably hasn’t touched another (I’m hoping in your case, anyway) but he has allowed another to touch his heart. He has allowed another to be put before you when (I’m presuming) you were married he vowed to “forsake ALL others”. What is wrong with people today that they cannot keep their promises and try to justify it with, “Oh, it’s just harmless flirting.” or “It’s just a picture.” No, it is much more damaging than that….Maybe you should do a bit more study on your own and find out the long reaching damage it does have before you try to convince the rest of us of the lack of it…..

    • asrais

      Oh goodness.
      When my husband watches porn or I read a romance novel, neither of us come out thinking “boy I’m settling for my partner”. First, it’s fantasy. Sure, one of those hot babes is good for a fantasy lay. But when it comes down to it we have a emotional and mental connection as well as a physical one. No one can compete with that.
      Yes, there are a lot of hotties out there who I admire on a physical level, but I wouldn’t trade a hundred of them for the connection I have with my husband. And he feels the same.

      Forsaking all others is not the same as never looking at another attractive person, even if that was in my vows. (It wasn’t- we promised to be partners in all things). We did not vow to never look at or fantasize about another person. That’s wholly unrealistic for me to believe that it will happen.
      He can look all he wants. He knows and I know he’s coming home to something concrete. And if thinks he can go find someone better, good luck to him. A person is better off alone than with someone who is waiting for the next thing.

      We won’t go into people who manage to sustain two or more relationships ie polyamoury.

      The problem is not porn. The problem is how we view relationships. We think that we need to have that intial lust phase throughout the whole relationship rather than a nice comfortable friendship. If we don’t follow our partners around like puppy dogs in heat all the time, then something is wrong.

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