Category Archives: My Sexual Muses

Urgh growing as a writer

Someone emailed me some typo locations yesterday from Second Chance Romance. I cringed as I fixed them. I am so unhapy with it. I have grown so much since I wrote that book. It needs a total overhaul, but i don’t have the time or energy.

I had a long conversation with my husband about it. I wanted to delete Summer Fling, it’s my weakest book.

I’ve read author comments where they say they wish their first book would disappear or it was right to be rejected. I get that. I just don’t know what to do. I stand by the story, just not how it was told.

On the other hand:

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
— Marilyn Monroe (Marilyn: Her Life in Her Own Words)

Making mistakes means I’m doing what people are scared of. And so what if I don’t become rich, most authors do not. The only place I can go is up. I have to go write I had a terrific historical erotic idea. There are not enough of those.

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I don’t like Kesha’s music. I like and don’t like pop. I find it catchy, yet annoying.

My son loves her new song Take it Off.

I like and don’t like it.

First off, how many hardcore places have glitter on the floor?

But she looks so trashy, it just gives me naughty thoughts.  I just want to write dirty things.

What it really reminds me of is Shakira in her video “Wherever, Whenever” were she crawls through the mud. And a friend of mine said it’s where she belongs she’s trashy and sexy. I have a thing for “trashy” girls.

I leave you with this:

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The trouble with porn studies

Ah, I ran across another porn is bad article on The Good Men Project.

In case you missed my last rantings you can find them here and here.

This one has studies. Rat studies.

Con­sider what hap­pens when you drop a male rat into a cage with a recep­tive female rat. First, there’s a sex­ual frenzy. Half a dozen cop­u­la­tions later, the fire­works fiz­zle. Even if she wants more, he’s not inter­ested. His brain chem­istry whis­pers, “Roll over and snore.” How­ever, if a new female shows up, his exhaus­tion will mirac­u­lously fade long enough for him to gal­lantly attempt his fer­til­iza­tion duties. You can repeat this process with fresh females until the male nearly dies of exhaustion.

My first thought was, god, how do men walk down the street everyday and not jump on every woman they see that’s gorgeous?

Oh right, we expect human men to control themselves. Same with porn.

Which brings me to my first point, just because a group of men who use porn end up with marriage/sexual issues, does not mean ALL men who watch porn will. Or, if John Mayer would rather jerk-off to a picture it does not mean my husband will.

In a Play­boy inter­view last year, musi­cian John Mayer admit­ted he’d rather jerk off to images than have sex. He explained,

actually if you read the quote Mayer didn’t say that at all, what he said was,

Inter­net pornog­ra­phy has absolutely changed my generation’s expec­ta­tions. How could you be con­stantly syn­the­siz­ing an orgasm [with a per­son] based on dozens of shots? You’re look­ing for the one … out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you fin­ish to, and you still don’t fin­ish. Twenty sec­onds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and con­tinue your shot hunt and con­tinue to make your­self late for work. How does that not affect the psy­chol­ogy of hav­ing a rela­tion­ship with some­body? It’s got to.

Okay, I’m not disagreeing that porn use CAN be a problem. It can be harmful if you get to the point of compulsion. But, reasonable people don’t. Of course, we could argue about the lack of reasonable people RE: food addiction.

Or really, it’s people refuse to use their self-control. i like chip and sugar. I don’t like walking in the winter. I know it’s not healthy for me to weight 200 lbs, so I don’t buy the chips and I walk to school. I keep my weight healthy.

Do I like it? Not always, I’d rather have the chips right now. But, I don’t think I”d be happy 75 lbs overweight either, so I CONTROL myself.

Just like, right now i’d like to masturbate. But I’m not alone, so I control myself.

Maybe these guys with porn problems actually are married to frigid women. Just kidding.

Accord­ing to a 2007 study, mere expo­sure to images of sexy females causes a man to devalue his real-life part­ner. He rates her lower not only on attrac­tive­ness, but also on warmth and intel­li­gence. Also, after pornog­ra­phy con­sump­tion, sub­jects in a 2006 study reported less sat­is­fac­tion with their inti­mate partner—including the partner’s affec­tion, appear­ance, sex­ual curios­ity, and per­for­mance. More­over, they assigned increased impor­tance to sex with­out emo­tional involvement.

Again how to men live in the real world with crap like this going on in their brains?

Oh yeah, they don’t. What a load of crap. (men if you want to not get in trouble for being an asshole- you can cite the study).

Just because I think GSP is sexy does not mean I want my husband any less.

Of course, if you stand me next to Katy Perry, she’s going to get all the votes for being better looking.

And, of course, he probably sees a few good-looking women when he’s at work. (some ugly ones too), but he makes the choice to come home and have pretty great sex with me.

And in three days when he’s in the mood and I’m completely wiped from having a screaming baby crawl up my leg all day, he will turn on a porno and touch himself. But, two days later I’ll have caught up on sleep and we’ll be like rabbits.

Porn is the only addiction in which we blame the object of addiction. We don’t blame alcohol for forcing alcoholics. We expect people to be able to have the occasional drink without ruining their marriages. We don’t blame malls for people’s overspending.

And my last point, is people it’s FANTASY. I don’t read romance books and expect my husband to start being a billionaire with a perfect body and a ranch, nor do I feel any less connected because he`s not a CEO or cowboy or Navy SEAL. Our being together is a choice we make everyday. It`s not always an easy choice, but if he wants to watch some people going at it, I`ll be okay with it. (I wasn`t always I used to buy into the myth that he should only ever want me).

Again, people TRY to control yourselves.

But remember, you don’t need porn to ogle women.

Since I stopped mas­tur­bat­ing to porn a cou­ple of weeks ago, things are chang­ing. When I see a woman with long hair walk by in a nice skirt or dress, I get that phys­i­cal rush of energy. Used to be I needed a stronger porno­graphic fan­tasy from the Inter­net to get any type of arousal.


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Romantic porn

As I was writing about taboos, it was coincidence day because a bunch of related links popped up on Twitter.

Like this review of Passion Play (okay that wasnt directly Twitter)

And It’s Not Pornographic… It’s Romantic!

Posts like these bother me.

What is so wrong with porn?

It is pretty natural to have sexual feelings. Even women have them these days.

It seems there is a superiority in women who don’t give in to their “baser” needs. Is this just old school guilt?

I mean, sure, erotic literature has a storyline. But the basis is sex. It’s not erotic if there is no sex.

Is erotic literature not meant to get the reader excited? Does having a storyline make it superior to porn? Or os this just old ideas that sexual feelings are bad to have outside having sex with your partner in a monogamous relationship?

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I wrote blatant smut yesterday. There is a story-line in it. But it’s smut.

I love writing smut. Sex is great.

Which is funny because I went to write a sex-scene in my current romance WIP and I decided I don’t need to get explicit.

I find it harder in romance to write sex. Because it’s about the feelings and moving the story forward and it has to have a certain romantic feel to it. Which is hard to write in a new way every time.

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No Harm in Fantasies

I decided to start reviewing free books available on Smashwords. Because I love romance I searched those out first. I got a good starting place- mostly short stories. Then I searched for titles done by Excessia- an erotic publisher.

And I found something out about myself and other people.

No matter what you fantasize about. Someone else does too.

No matter what.

I’ve had all these fantasies for myself. And, I’ve started writing them but got embarrassed by it and deleted the files. I was going to with Beauty and the Beast file I started. Then I decided I should share it.

I’m glad I kept it. I haven’t shared it yet.

Will I write these things down? Some of them, yes. Somethings I would prefer not to share.

Recently I read about a man who was convicted of child abuse for chatting with an adult pretending to be a teen. They chatted on line and on the phone- talking about a variety of topics from the mundane to the very sexually graphic. He made no attempt to try to meet the young girl and the article didn’t say if he knew if the woman was actually a teenager. But he was convicted of child abuse, because he likely would have tried to meet up, eventually.

There are many people who enjoy age play. Age play is where adults pretend to be a different age than they actually are, ranging anywhere from babies to barely eighteen. All participants are of legal age, but imagination is a strong thing.

Should we be punished for what we fantasize about?

Everyday people turn on their television and watch murders occur. They take part in murders and other crimes on video games.

Not much more legal than pretending to have sex with a minor. Whether in text or on the phone or even in pictures.

As long as these things stay fantasies is just fine. Few people engaging in these fantasy behaviours actually cross over to the real thing. Those that do, obviously, should be punished. Harshly. But …

No harm in fantasy.

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