Tag Archives: Relationships

Other people do not have the same views

We watch a show called Moving Up on TLC. The show has a couple of familes who move houses, renovate then the old owners come back and check it out and give their opinion. Before they move thy talk about how perfect their house and how they cannot imagine anyone would change anything. (Most notably last weekend one woman said she’d be pissed if the new owners took down the original tile in her old house and then proceeded to do the same in her new house).

It amazes me how people think everyone shares their view of things.

I get into modes where I believe my husband has the same thoughts I do.

I just really get annoyed when people do not understand how someone could have a differing opinion. Especially when they expect others to have theirs. I love debating stuff with other people, but i can’t stand this “you are wrong and I am right” stance I run into. Even though when I debate I know i am right.

Just something I’ve noticed in people lately.

Do you believe other people share your opinions?


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Damn Jenny Crusie

I love Jenny Crusie. I re-read Bet Me every year. I love her blog, she comes up with such great insight and she better keep them coming.

So when she wrote about Character making the book and how she watched Hitch recently and it had some issues mainly being this:

Then they got to Hitch and Sarah and knew they were in trouble because they’d created Perfect People.

I had an Uh-Oh moment when I finished reading it.

Kip and Mandy are perfect. That’s why the conflict feels contrived. That’s why the book isn’t selling very well.

There is no conflict. You go in knowing it’s going to be all right. You read the book and go “meh”.

I despair, because Ky and Serena were plotted first and written second. Kip and Mandy brought me Corey. He’s the plot in the book, he’s the one people are asking for.


Because he’s not perfect. He’s fucked up and funny as hell. And you just want to know how this guy gets a happily every after. He deserves one because he’s a person, but you can’t see how he’ll change enough to be relationship material.

But Kip is a good guy. At sixteen (Really Asrai, what were you thinking there? He was a sixteen-year-old guy. He didn’t fall for this chunky gal and have a hunky dory relationship and they were soul mates forever after. Missed some conflict potential), he knew that Mandy was the love of his life.

Mandy was flat. She didn’t really have a lot going on. I admit it.

I should go back and write it all again with the things I missed and have learned. But, now I have a ton of other things planned and I need to write them.

It’s complicated. I can’t un-release Second Chance Romance, because it brings you to other good things. It’s good back story for Serena and Ky and soon Corey. (I am SOO sad to be nearly done this book. I love the story. I love Corey. I hope everyone loves it as much as I do).

I have a short story I’ve written, but I think I might have to trash it, because the characters are also perfect. 😦

I’m annoyed now that I know about this perfect character bullshit. It’s sneaky. You want characters to be nice people. You don’t want them to be fucked up or hurting. But to make good conflict, you have to some imperfection and a lot of painful moments.

So I’m screwed.

Enhanced by ZemantaAnd also Jenny Crusie links to really FUNNY blogs. Like hyperbole and a half, which is the funniest damn blog I’ve read. Period. Go read it.


Filed under Baggage, Blogroll, culture, Fiction, life, My fiction, quote, rants, reading, romance, Second Chance Romance, writing

Scene names

Ywriter lets you write a short description of each scene. Here are a few from Corey in no particular order:

Staying out of jail is a viable plan

All the usual suspects

Rick is a dick

OMG his tongue is in my mouth!

Real food can ruin a person

UFC in the afterglow.

Horror scene? Death row? No, speed dating

Fatty food and cheap movies are a mom’s substitute for a lot of alcohol

Even hearts of stone have a melting point

I’m enjoying my writing far too much which is making this book difficult to edit. But it seems everything is in the proper order.

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Filed under Baggage, editing, emotions, Fiction, happiness, My fiction, projects, quote, reading, romance, writing

Review: Loving Eliza

Loving Eliza by Ruth Ann Nordin. A free read from Smashwords.

Eliza Sweet (not her real last name, but I’m not sure we’re ever given the real one) is making a fresh start. She’s moving away from Omaha to a small town to become a housekeeper for Preacher Bill Peters‘s cousin, Melissa. She meets a mail order bride and her mother on the stage coach. When she arrives at the new town she finds out Melissa has died.

She finds herself in the company of John Evans, a handsome man of about her age. John is a very nice man, but he’s mute. He is only town to meet his mail order bride Daphne, who is missing. When he meets Eliza he proposes to her.

Eliza has no interest in marriage and refuses him. Eventually, he offers her a job and a small cabin for her to live in. His intention is to convince her to marry him.

John works on Eliza. Eliza refuses him for her own reasons. But she befriends him, while all the marriageable men in town are also chasing Eliza. Many people, including some of his own brothers, believe John is dumb as well as mute. Eliza teaches him to read and write.

I’ll admit I skimmed a lot of this book. There is a lot of long paragraphs that lost me. I know that John is mute so there is no dialog from him, but long paragraphs are boring and lose me.

I was interested in why Eliza was saying no. There was a reason and I wanted to know. And I also wanted to know when she’d give into John, what the black moment would be and how it would all resolve. There was great story telling, great character development. I was interested in the characters, I cared about them. I wanted to know what happened next. I stayed up late to finish the book.

I can handle the writing issues if the story makes me give a damn and characters are interesting and have growth. This book had all that.

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Of Married and Maiden Names

The wedding vows are complete - you may now ki...

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Via Feministing I came across a rant on Bitch PH.D’s blog about women who choose to change their names when they get married. I did not like the tone of the thing, that women who took their husband’s last name were giving up themselves and were generally unfeminist and encouraging inequality. When I got married I changed my last name.

Before I give you my response I later had another thought. If changing your name is so unfeminist, why get married at all? It’s pretty close. The tradition of marriage is as patriarchal as name-changing. If you read my comment below you’ll see where this fits in.

Our wedding vows written by the officiate were about making a partnership and being equal and honouring each other and ourselves. It was beautiful without being religious which is what we wanted. My dad walked me “down the aisle” and I changed my name.

Not really digging the whole “you give up your identity if you DARE change your name”. Like it’s an affront to the whole of feminism if you decide to follow tradition and change your name.My damn choice …
1. It’s my father’s name …
My “maiden: name was my name, but now this is my new one.i didn’t give up who i was, i shifted it. As my life changed when i got married, so did my name.
2. I’m not that attached to my name.
I’ve been using an online/pseudonym name for years and have had many nicknames. Those are a part of my identity as well as the two last names I’ve had. Who I am is to attached to one name.
3a. I want to have the same name as my children
I did and we decided to go with tradition and use my husbands. We could have one a million things but I took the easy way out. Others go with one of those other choices which is fine. I’m not going to go around shaming them.
I did not share a name with my daughter for years and it never caused any confusion, but _I_ like knowing.

i love this piece of stupidity tho “. But when you support the notion that biology is the most important factor in forming a family, you are supporting a harmful status quo that privileges heterosexual, married, biological families.”
err, can I support all types of families and have my husbands name? Or are the two mutually exclusive? Actually changing my name in a world where more women keep theirs is diversity.  (I so want to go back and edit my comment to say that getting married supports the status quo privileges since in most places non-heterosexuals cannot marry right now).
6. It reminds me of my commitment.
Again, personal preference here. “You judge me for my choice.It makes me feel like grade school taunting. You may not understand but I’m not asking you to. Just to give a little leeway for those of us who do.
7. It’s easier.
I give you this one. I still haven’t done it all the necessary places.
“It’s a sign of autonomy in a world where women are still regarded as inferior and are expected to defer to their husbands.”
And now you are making all the women who have chosen to chang their names feel inferior to you for doing so.
I was excited to change my name. the paperwork is a pain in the ass. I liked telling people I’d joined two families together. Any of my “old” friends have found me all ready. I don’t have any work under any of my real names.
I guess I’ll have to stand against patriarchy in other ways. If I’m allowed y’know bad feminist and all.

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Filed under Feminism, link, personal, power, rants, sex


I am a very defensive person. If I even perceive attack I immediately go into defense mode.

It was caused by growing up with two rather angry parents.

But, that’s in the past. Whatever caused it, I have to take control and overcome it.

A few days ago I was talking with my boss, and I felt she was going to criticize me so I immediately justified my actions. And she immediately said, “I’m not criticizing, I just want you to be aware this is going on. And I need you to back me up on it.”

I still felt at ready for the attack. And for hours, no days now, after I’m still alternately justifying myself and feeling like I let her down. Neither of which are necessary. When I get up in it I repeat to myself, “I can let this go.”

I was trying to write yesterday and I couldn’t. (It turned out later it was because I had lost interest in the story). So I was just free writing in an open notepad file, and the defensiveness realization came out.

I am not sure how to overcome it quite yet. My life is as always a work in progress.

What types of traits are you holding on to from childhood? Is it hindering your life in anyway? Are you going to try to change?

Second Chance Romance, read my erotic short stories.

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Filed under anxiety, emotions, life, personal, power

Ever changing mission

Hayden at Through the Illusion had a call out for passionate people.  I think the form is closed, but it’s an awesome blog that I’ve been following for a long time and is worth a look around.

I was asked to define why romance writing makes me so passionate, and how it relates to my purpose. I won’t ruin the entire thing right now. It took me a long to write what I did and I think it needs some editing still, but that’s neither here nor there.

But I came to define things as Writing makes me Come Alive.

Words make me happy. Stringing them together make my heart sing.

I write a number of things: blogs, random rants, journal entries, erotica, and always romance. I’ve written romance since I was a kid.

Relationships are at the heart of humanity. Without relationships we don’t have jobs or family or friends. Almost all of us are looking for someone to share our lives with and possibly put a small drop of the next generation out there.

What is sad is that we don’t have the skills to deal with that person once we’ve met them. We don’t know how to deal with jealousy and conflict and what we should do when we are attracted to someone other than our partner.

I think that’s what romance novels are about. Dealing with the conflict, merely early in the relationship, that comes with coming into a close relationship with another person. The characters are somewhat damaged and afraid of said relationship. And then they are forced into a corner and they have to decide whether they can get past their damage or if they will succumb. And since we want to read a happy novel, of course they get over things and get together.

I got an email from someone on Tribe.net who considered erotica suprerrior to romance because there is no bullshit. Disagree. They are equal if well done. Erotica doesn’t work if there is no plot, no characters, no conflict either.  To me, romance has a physical part of it as well. Sex is a naturual


Filed under Coming Alive, culture, emotions, happiness