Urgh growing as a writer

Someone emailed me some typo locations yesterday from Second Chance Romance. I cringed as I fixed them. I am so unhapy with it. I have grown so much since I wrote that book. It needs a total overhaul, but i don’t have the time or energy.

I had a long conversation with my husband about it. I wanted to delete Summer Fling, it’s my weakest book.

I’ve read author comments where they say they wish their first book would disappear or it was right to be rejected. I get that. I just don’t know what to do. I stand by the story, just not how it was told.

On the other hand:

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
— Marilyn Monroe (Marilyn: Her Life in Her Own Words)

Making mistakes means I’m doing what people are scared of. And so what if I don’t become rich, most authors do not. The only place I can go is up. I have to go write I had a terrific historical erotic idea. There are not enough of those.

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On getting better

Having fun and not being the best does not mean I am happy with my current level of profiency.

I recently put Colours of the Rain up for critique at Critique Circle.

I feared putting up something on Critique Circle. I didn’t want to hear “you suck, quit writing.” I feared that was the truth.

The feedback has been good. And helpful. Overwhelmingly helpful, I’m not sure where to start. Only one thing said I didn’t agree with. Which was that the starting scene shouldnt’ be there. But it’s the tie in to the title of the story, so I can’t cut it. But I have a better way to tie it in.

The good is that I don’t tell, I do show most of the time. What I’ve not shown was written when I was working out the characters etc. Good to know and something I couldn’t see. My characters are likeable. The plot is followable and enjoyable.

The bad is that a few typos. I tend to write “your welcome” instead of “you’re (you are) welcome”. I overuse WAS. It was, there was. Was, was was. I’ve been working on things so hard that when I write first drafts I worry about my use of WAS.

Does being imperfect mean I should have kept Colours of the Rain to myself?

No. I do have moments of panic when I worry that letting my imperfect writing will wreck my chances of being read as I get better.

Y’know what? The best authors in the world with legions of fans who support their every move and will claw your eyes out if you say something bad about them, these authors have readers who HATE them. A handful, a hundred.

Sure, it will deter some people.

Just as some people don’t shop at the Dollar store.

I don’t wholly want to infer that my writing is of bad quality. It doesn’t have the benefit of a $1,000/hr editor. But, some of those books aren’t worth the price you pay for them either. So …it’s not that bad of a metaphor. 99 cent book. Maybe you do get what you pay for.

I question the assumption that every written world there must be PERFECT. How much do computer companies get to charge for their software that crashes, freezes and is less than perfect? Why do we put up with the cost?

Publishing companies have taught us to expect it because they held the gate for many years. They said was good enough and what wasn’t. now the reader can decide. And I really don’t expect people to flock to my book and heap praise upon me because it’s the best thing ever written.

I know I limit my success due to the imperfection. I’m just refusing to stay in the shadows until I reach some goal. I’m putting my shit out there and a few people are reading it and liking it.

If in five years, I find that Colours of the Rain and Second Chance Romance and the rest of the imperfections are hurting my sales. I’ll dump the name. It’s not that hard to find another one. Especially when your entire premise is that you make shit up and people pay for your made up shit.

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Why cheap and free are okay

Image by pr1001 via Flickr

I’m sure people hoard 99 cent books because they are cheap to buy. Some people download free content and never around to looking at it. I have a ton of free pdfs that I’ve forgotten about. They sit in a folder entitled “books” or “downloads” and once in a while I find them, glance through the pages, realize it’s not for me and delete it.

It’s still a valid way to get your name out to people.

Especially when it comes to short stories. Colours of the Rain has been downloaded 1500 times. If a tenth of the people read it that’s 150 reads. If half of them read it, that’s 700. Cool!

Second Chance Romance has 748 downloads. If 5% read it and buy Summer Fling, that’s 40 sales.

It’s far better than no one buying it at 5.99 or even 2.99. I know I could get a higher royalty at 2.99 on Amazon. And I consider changing it and seeing how many copies get sold.

Part of why I don’t have it at 2.99 is I don’t feel like it’s a 2.99 book. I said before in my imperfection that my writing is 70%. I don’t have the 30% to get a professional set of eyes on it to push it past 100. I’m getting better at it.

I know 99 cents is equated with a less professional book. Maybe I’m reinforcing that attitude. Hey, become a beta reader and point out my flaws before I release the book. Email me asrai.rdATgmail.com. 🙂

The second reason I’m going with free and cheap is I just want to be read. At two  years into the writing. self publish journey, I don’t expect to be on the best seller’s list. Many of the author’s going around talking about self-publishing are established, they have a name, they are known, so their success doesn’t apply to me.

ALso, I don’t have a strong backlist yet. I have three novel length books on Amazon and Smashwords. I have two short stories for free. That’s not a lot. I’m building my platform, I’m building my readership. That is more important to me than 70% royalty.

Lots of people can write about why 2.99 is better than .99 cents. It’s not better. It’s different. It’s not a lack of pride.

If you go with 99 cents because it’s cheap and lots of people will buy, do your research. Make sure you are setting a price point that works for you.

Everyone has an opinion

I follow a few author’s blogs and a few of them have stepped out and said that self e-publishing is not the way to go. If you can, get with a “real” publisher. One who can market you and edit you and fit you into their mold.

You gotta wonder about their motivation.

I am just saying authors with contracts have a vested interest in publishers going strong. If they can convince a few people that indie is a bad thing …

They have convinced themselves it’s the right way, which translates into the only way for some people.
If indies do become stronger than the Big six.

Shit did those authors catch the wrong wave.

Ah, Zementa has many related articles, but I’m not going to link to anything else. It’s out there peeps.

How I inspired myself

I have untold amounts of time to lay around. I practice attachment parenting (the co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, babywearing type) and he’s a very dependent sleeper. So I nurse him to sleep a few times a day. Which equates me laying around a lot.

I forgot to grab my book to read at nap time and my mind is very busy. As Summer McStravick says her mind is like “a little yappy dog that’s always on the go, yapping”. (That’s a paraphrase of her I can’t recall her exact words and since she said it on a podcast I don’t have a link). My mind is a “yappy dog” that never shuts up. I’m pretty sure I’m a little ADD, and I hate being unentertained.

So, on the note of Summer McStravick, she has this idea called Flowdreaming. Where you do a guided mediation with positive energy and emotions and thinking. It’s like positive thinking supercharged of sorts. Which equates with what I read in The Purpose of Your Life by Carol Adrienne where she says positive thinking isn’t just all happy thoughts, it’s setting your intention for the way you want to feel and going after that feeling.

Back to where I was lying around and my mind was yapping at me for some direction. I turned to my next hockey novel whic h I abandoned due to lack of feeling it. I abandoned the project I went to after that, because of my second Rule “No writing stuff that isn’t fun.” I wasn’t having fun. And I know the hockey thing is going to be good if I can unravel the characters. If I can fall in love with the characters.

So my mind said, if you aren’t in love with your characters, which characters are you in love with?”

I loved “Sleepless at Midnight” by Jacquie D’Alessandro . There are some great romantic scenes which are really hot. Really hot and swoon-worthy. I mean you want to be the heroine and have a hero who acts exactly like him. She is that lucky. I love the emotions between them. The tension. The way you want to grab them and scream “You love each other. Just get together already.” Except the conflict is out of their hands and they can’t be together, except they have to be because they love each other.

Anyway, I’m feeling all the happy feelings inside me.

And then my whole plot came into my brain. I’m so fucking excited to write it, but I had to write down how I got there.

(And then I have to write something else totally unrelated, but is pervading my life and I understood it in the shower this evening. Freaking Freecycle moderation. DId I ever mention that it is occasionally the bane of my existence and i want to quit? I can’t wait to move so I can stop the insanity).

So, that is the story of how I inspired myself. If anyone has a story about how they had fun writing today leave a comment with your email or shoot me an email.

BTW, no affliate links here. Except y'know, my Smashwords.

Why have fun instead of rolling up your sleeves and getting serious?

How many books are you selling? A few less than Amanda Hocking? Does it even cover your power bill for the month?

Do you get any reviews?

Do you have self-doubts if you are a good (even decent) writer?

Do you have any idea how else to get your words out to a larger audience?

Do you find the more you focus on trying to get readers, buyers, reviewers or just any indication anyone is reading your books the less you feel like writing new stuff?

If you answered “NO” to any of the above, you might be better off just giving up. Or you could just give up on sales and reviews and have fun writing again.

I really have my doubts that there is anything you can do to boost your sales.

I also believe that having more books with your name on them is the best way to boost your sales. Except, no one is buying the shit you have for sale, so you don’t really have any motivation to write anymore because no one will read them either. Maybe.

The more shit you have out there, the better chance you will get discovered. By any reader.

There’s also the chance that the whole positive thoughts thing works. But the caveat to setting your intention is also letting go of your attachment to it happening. (Just saying it could be true).

Besides, isn’t focusing on what you aren’t getting making you miserable or crazy?

It’s making you crazy because it’s focusing on what you cannot control. Other people’s buying habits. Or if they even SEE your book for sale. The web has untold number of sites, books, ideas clamouring for attention. People can only see so much.

Are you willing to stop jumping up and down with vain hope? Are you willing to have some fun while you make shit up?

Not as glamorous as being discovered like Amanda Hocking, but I bet she had a lot of fun while she wrote 20-some novels in the past few years.

Having Fun Instead

The writing/publishing world is abuzz about the best way to publish. And by best, they usually mean, what will make you the most money, how you will get the most people to buy your book.

There have also been some discussions in self/indie publishing about pricing. Is 99 cents too low? Unprofessional? Does it attract the wrong type of customer? Are readers who buy 99 cent books just hoarding them? Is it a good way to build a fan base? Do 99 cent books lack quality of story? What about editing?

I believed it for a while. I read the blog posts. I followed the industry closely. I questioned my own plans.

And it came to me recently.

 

I am not having fun with writing anymore.

I’m worried about my sales ranking and making money and if I need to hire an editor or cover artist and if I should raise my prices. I  worried about writing the next book in the Up in Flames series. I worried about whether the whole contemporary romance thing was even worth it because paranormal is HOT now. Historical does fairly well. Contemporary is a lukewarm market unless you sign with Harlequin.

The point of this for me was to write my ideas. To have fun making up stories. To dream up these fantasy lovers who are flawed men, who sweep women off their feet. These fantasies we dreamt about in high school.

I am not doing that anymore.

I’m having ideas that I’m playing with. As I’m working on them, I feel pressured to market and produce. I’m worried about what people are going to think of my writing (okay, I’ve always been worried about that. I used to keep at my stuff hidden from my family. IT’s still easier to share with total strangers than my mother.)

I want to have fun.

For the next while, anyway, I’m going to have fun with writing and reading. I’m going to read free and 99 cent reads from Smashwords and review them. (Though, to be honest, I’m worried about having to give bad reviews, but any review is better than none). I’m going to break all the rules. In fact, I’m going to write new ones.

The FUN Code (more like guidelines?)

#1 No Self-Promotion. No linking to myself.

Caveat to #1. To inform people of this project I have to tell them about it. But it’s project promotion so others can read my promotion of others. And I’m hoping other authors will give up on promotion and money made being the end all of success. I want other authors to measure how much fun they are having writing, like the good old days. Besides, most of us aren’t selling that many copies anyway. We might as well give up and have fun.

#2. No writing stuff that isn’t fun. I can even abandon projects in the middle of working on them if I don’t feel the flow.

#3. Read for fun. Review what I read. Promote what the good, and maybe some bad. Write e-mails with details to the bad and ugly telling them where things have gone wrong. Especially regarding blurbs. I read a lot of bad blurbs lately.

#4 Unsubscribe and delete all industry blogs. For me this is Konrath’s blog, Jane Friedman‘s blog, Publetariat, Ditchwalk, and anything related to productivity (urgh! I am at the point of loathing productivity blogs. I don’t need another tip on how to get more done. Give me tips for getting more FUN) and anything related to writing that isn’t about how AWESOME it is to make shit up.

Caveat for #4. If you want to go hard-core, unfollow those bloggers on Twitter and unlike them on Facebook.

#5. Wasting time is not a crime punishable by beating myself up. Making mistakes is encouraged.

#6. Reach out to other authors and share insights, info on their work and encouragement.

Hockey burn-out

I am stepping away from my current WIP, which is the next Up in Flames book.

I’m not writing well. I’m forcing the story and not feeling inspired.

I am going to write some other stuff.

Might even be slightly more commercially viable stuff (read venturing  into paranormal land). Not because I feel the need to be commercially viable, but because I have some ideas that interest me.

So, yeah hockey on hiatus. Maybe I’m just not feeling the hockey love because the Flames aren’t doing well- again. (They were when I was working on Complications over Coffee edits).

Other people do not have the same views

We watch a show called Moving Up on TLC. The show has a couple of familes who move houses, renovate then the old owners come back and check it out and give their opinion. Before they move thy talk about how perfect their house and how they cannot imagine anyone would change anything. (Most notably last weekend one woman said she’d be pissed if the new owners took down the original tile in her old house and then proceeded to do the same in her new house).

It amazes me how people think everyone shares their view of things.

I get into modes where I believe my husband has the same thoughts I do.

I just really get annoyed when people do not understand how someone could have a differing opinion. Especially when they expect others to have theirs. I love debating stuff with other people, but i can’t stand this “you are wrong and I am right” stance I run into. Even though when I debate I know i am right.

Just something I’ve noticed in people lately.

Do you believe other people share your opinions?

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The trouble with porn studies

Ah, I ran across another porn is bad article on The Good Men Project.

In case you missed my last rantings you can find them here and here.

This one has studies. Rat studies.

Con­sider what hap­pens when you drop a male rat into a cage with a recep­tive female rat. First, there’s a sex­ual frenzy. Half a dozen cop­u­la­tions later, the fire­works fiz­zle. Even if she wants more, he’s not inter­ested. His brain chem­istry whis­pers, “Roll over and snore.” How­ever, if a new female shows up, his exhaus­tion will mirac­u­lously fade long enough for him to gal­lantly attempt his fer­til­iza­tion duties. You can repeat this process with fresh females until the male nearly dies of exhaustion.

My first thought was, god, how do men walk down the street everyday and not jump on every woman they see that’s gorgeous?

Oh right, we expect human men to control themselves. Same with porn.

Which brings me to my first point, just because a group of men who use porn end up with marriage/sexual issues, does not mean ALL men who watch porn will. Or, if John Mayer would rather jerk-off to a picture it does not mean my husband will.

In a Play­boy inter­view last year, musi­cian John Mayer admit­ted he’d rather jerk off to images than have sex. He explained,

actually if you read the quote Mayer didn’t say that at all, what he said was,

Inter­net pornog­ra­phy has absolutely changed my generation’s expec­ta­tions. How could you be con­stantly syn­the­siz­ing an orgasm [with a per­son] based on dozens of shots? You’re look­ing for the one … out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you fin­ish to, and you still don’t fin­ish. Twenty sec­onds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and con­tinue your shot hunt and con­tinue to make your­self late for work. How does that not affect the psy­chol­ogy of hav­ing a rela­tion­ship with some­body? It’s got to.

Okay, I’m not disagreeing that porn use CAN be a problem. It can be harmful if you get to the point of compulsion. But, reasonable people don’t. Of course, we could argue about the lack of reasonable people RE: food addiction.

Or really, it’s people refuse to use their self-control. i like chip and sugar. I don’t like walking in the winter. I know it’s not healthy for me to weight 200 lbs, so I don’t buy the chips and I walk to school. I keep my weight healthy.

Do I like it? Not always, I’d rather have the chips right now. But, I don’t think I”d be happy 75 lbs overweight either, so I CONTROL myself.

Just like, right now i’d like to masturbate. But I’m not alone, so I control myself.

Maybe these guys with porn problems actually are married to frigid women. Just kidding.

Accord­ing to a 2007 study, mere expo­sure to images of sexy females causes a man to devalue his real-life part­ner. He rates her lower not only on attrac­tive­ness, but also on warmth and intel­li­gence. Also, after pornog­ra­phy con­sump­tion, sub­jects in a 2006 study reported less sat­is­fac­tion with their inti­mate partner—including the partner’s affec­tion, appear­ance, sex­ual curios­ity, and per­for­mance. More­over, they assigned increased impor­tance to sex with­out emo­tional involvement.

Again how to men live in the real world with crap like this going on in their brains?

Oh yeah, they don’t. What a load of crap. (men if you want to not get in trouble for being an asshole- you can cite the study).

Just because I think GSP is sexy does not mean I want my husband any less.

Of course, if you stand me next to Katy Perry, she’s going to get all the votes for being better looking.

And, of course, he probably sees a few good-looking women when he’s at work. (some ugly ones too), but he makes the choice to come home and have pretty great sex with me.

And in three days when he’s in the mood and I’m completely wiped from having a screaming baby crawl up my leg all day, he will turn on a porno and touch himself. But, two days later I’ll have caught up on sleep and we’ll be like rabbits.

Porn is the only addiction in which we blame the object of addiction. We don’t blame alcohol for forcing alcoholics. We expect people to be able to have the occasional drink without ruining their marriages. We don’t blame malls for people’s overspending.

And my last point, is people it’s FANTASY. I don’t read romance books and expect my husband to start being a billionaire with a perfect body and a ranch, nor do I feel any less connected because he`s not a CEO or cowboy or Navy SEAL. Our being together is a choice we make everyday. It`s not always an easy choice, but if he wants to watch some people going at it, I`ll be okay with it. (I wasn`t always I used to buy into the myth that he should only ever want me).

Again, people TRY to control yourselves.

But remember, you don’t need porn to ogle women.

Since I stopped mas­tur­bat­ing to porn a cou­ple of weeks ago, things are chang­ing. When I see a woman with long hair walk by in a nice skirt or dress, I get that phys­i­cal rush of energy. Used to be I needed a stronger porno­graphic fan­tasy from the Inter­net to get any type of arousal.